Recently I realized I have been in an emotional and spiritual fog. Two years ago this summer I will have moved to a new area. I thought I’d found Eden. I was volunteering with groups that seemed perfect and my spiritual life seemed beyond compare. More recently cracks have been appearing in Eden. A few of the groups I have been involved in reminded me of a dysfunctional family (which I am familiar with) or at least an uncaring one. I managed to make myself sick with disillusionment about what I discovered. Also a person I care about seemed to have vanished from my life with no explanation.
Fog beginning to lift
The fog began to lift once I started noticing what was making me so distressed. Taking walks I’d get messages from my source that showed me I was not alone. I had other help from friends who reminded me that often in a new place I did not cause the problems; and I can’t control already existing problems or cure those problems. Any way, I could barely control my own emotional/spiritual state and needed to cure myself.
In order to lift my own spiritual fog, I had to become more realistic with my expectations about our human family and myself. Each of us comes with a story. In organizations we bring our stories with us and without help from a deep spiritual source or some major work, most of us hurt people just continue hurting others. I needed to go to my own spiritual source to become compassionate with myself in order to heal myself. I needed to try to be compassionate towards those persons who acted in ways that I thought hurt the groups I was involved in. But it did not mean I could change or cure the people in those groups.
“Why be in music, why write songs, if you can’t use them to explore life or an idealized vision of life? I believe a lot of our lives are spent asleep, and what I’ve been trying to do is hold on to those moments when a spark cuts through the FOG and nudges you.” – Rufus Wainwright
Last weekend I took two “Be thankful hikes or walks”, and as I walked I thought and named those I care and love in my life and was and am thankful for; I saw all the bounty of green and flowers where I was walking. I heard the birds sing and saw a butterflies. I was thankful to my eyes that can see the colors and views better than my camera can capture. I smiled whole-heartedly at everyone I saw and was met with beautiful and friendly broad smiles and greetings. Warning: you may start feeling so joyful you might feel like crying! That’s O.K. too. I felt like I was in Eden again It is still here. And I am ever so thankful to my source and the miracle of this beautiful world that I can appreciate it once again; that spiritual fog that had inhabited me is lifting.
These are a few photos from that walk:
“The fragrance of the grass speaks to me….and my heart soars.”
– Chief Dan George