Where I live the fall leaves are just beginning to turn.  The trees are making their yearly transition as they do every fall.

tree 1

first tree transitioning to fall leaf color

Times of transition for us humans are very uncertain and don’t always flow so easily. Recently, I visited family and  saw drastic changes in my mother.  I was a witness, and at times I let go of the sorrow I felt, but then I just sucked up my tears.  I needed to let go like the trees let go of their leaves in the fall. I needed to cry some more and sit with my own sorrow about the changes I had seen. I was resisting acknowledging what I had witnessed.

pile of leaves

pile of leaves

This is an informative article about why we humans, cry and how important it is to cry for our mental and physical health.

tree 2

another tree in transition in fall

We humans have so many challenges with change: losing or changing jobs, moving, divorce, illness, financial issues, deaths of friends and family members, war, and even radically changing weather. There is a lot of suffering in the human condition. I am glad I have found groups of people who have had similar problems to my own and friends who are supportive. I also live where I can be around nature which helps ground me and shows me beauty. Nature has this way of reminding of me why I am here spiritually, and that I am connected to all that is around me.

Here is an article that goes into more depth about this:

tree 3

third tree transitioning

So often in the past, I tried to make transitions on my own and did not ask for the help I needed. Yes, I complained to a few friends, but I only managed to prolong my own suffering.  Today, I am glad I have reached out to spiritual resources in my community. For example: 12-step programs, therapists or counselors, and a spiritual community, which gives me practices to accept with more grace the transitions I am experiencing. Also having faith in my source has added to my peace of mind. I have choices now on how I can deal with the transitions in my life.

Asking for help is not a weakness, but a great way to take care of ourselves. Here is an article from the New York Times:

tree 4

Fourth transitioning tree


Residue and Delusion

Each of us has a family history and life history. I have had and am working to make peace and gain acceptance of my life history. For years I thought I had taken care of parts of my past, but I deluded myself. I have learned I can fool my mind, but my body and heart know better. There is residue in my body that is real.

ice from frost

residue of ice after frost

Just like the residue of the ice after a frost, recently I have found out I had stored my past history in my cells when I let go of some of that past. Doing that deep healing required me to be humble and willing and ask for help from others and my source. I was unable to do it alone.

“Part of the healing process is sharing with people who care.” – Jerry Cantrell, singer (Alice in Chains)

rain after storm

residue of rain after a storm

The process of letting go of that residue of old stuff surprised me. I believed I had already “put it to bed” and forgiven that part of my past. My own brain is very so good at deluding me, so much so that I wasn’t even aware of what I did NOT know it was still in my own body!

This is a documentary that I love about our human family. Check it out. It explains some  about the science of behind healing that old residue.

moss on tree

residue of moss on tree from when it used to rain more

This moss is left from a time when it rained much more in the past. Now it is drier and hotter where I live.  It is a little like me when I was less aware.

old leaves on tree

old leaves hanging on with death grip

Once I started accepting that old residue, I have shifted myself and am becoming more compassionate towards myself and others. That past and its residue has helped me to understand myself better. The residue did not disappear. However, many of those memories don’t carry as much anger or resentment with them any more. I am lighter and happier much of the time because I am not holding onto that residue like a victim with a death grip, like these leaves on the tree.

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.”  – Tori Amos, singer