Mind My OWN Business

“I don’t know how people get so anti-something. Mind your own business. Take care of your own affairs, and don’t worry about other people so much.”

Betty White

It is only within the last three or four years I have actually been minding my OWN business more consistently. My minding other people’s business showed up as worry about others when I could not do anything about them, or their situation, or what happened to them in the past. I have always cared about others. In fact, I was too “other” focused most of the time. At times, I was clueless about what I felt or needed.

I have married people and had partners in business where I supported their dreams, and put my own dreams on the back burner. This level of naivete used to be detrimental for me in my own life. I DO NOT recommend it. When others acted unkindly towards me, or spoke unkindly, I could NOT respond. I was, too stunned. I have joked that if I were to write an autobiography it would have been called “Deer in Headlights”. I dismissed myself consistently. I believed in the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” This is a great way to live, but I did not know how to discern which people were the loving and kind people to be around. In other words, I made some poor choices of partners and people in my life. I was minding other’s business instead of my own.

The good news is I survived it all and am now minding my own business more and learning about what I feel and don’t go to denial as long as I used to when something painful surfaces in my life. Truthfully, it takes me a bit of time to get to the core of the pain. Not fun, but it is freeing once I have released it. I am very grateful to be able to meditate and go to prayer. That is how I get to the nuggets that free me. Also outside help of friends, family, and a counselor help me over the hump of my difficulties. Once I resurface in humanity, I find I am more open and kinder to everyone I meet. Even on a rainy day I find that faint rainbow way across the valley where I live. I get my smile back with no effort required. And I find I have to pray a lot about the pain and meanness I see out in the world because I alone can NOT fix it.

I wonder about why so many people feel they have been given license to be mean today. Then I think back and remember when I used to be an angrier person. I had resentments I kept to myself because way down in my subconscious I did NOT like some of the choices I was making, but I did NOT want to admit to them. Those choices did not make me feel good about myself. I was not always kind to my partners because of the resentments I was hiding. Is this one of the sources where all this MEANNESS is coming from for others today?

Would we have a different world if all of us minded our own business and lives? If all of us looked into our own hearts and past which made us feel resentful and uncovered our own pain and lived our own lives, what would that world look like?

In the USA we can state our own opinions about whatever we believe, although, appropriately, “hate” speech is illegal, but when we enact laws to stop others from living their lives, loving who they love, or being who they are, I think we have gone too far. We are messing with other people’s lives. Then we are not protecting all of humanity. Then we are not working with or respecting all people. Then we have created an “US” vs “THEM” way of living together, which is NEVER harmonious or kind. These kinds of feeling are the sources for all wars, hatred, and division. This is is the worst kind of minding other people’s business.

I will just keep chugging along and do my best to mind my OWN business, and now I temper my own behavior with making more suggestions, and offering help to family, friends, and people I meet when they ASK me for it. I don’t assume it is OK to butt in. By making this change in MY behavior, I have become more thankful and present in my OWN life, knowing that my source has given me an opportunity to live my life fully and joyously, and I will not squander the gift of my life and being a part of this beautiful world.

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Mind My/Your Own Business

“Mind your own business” does not mean I don’t care about others. I do. For me it is not a way of avoiding getting involved with people, and “mind your own business” is a way for me not to be so focused on others. I have had the propensity to pay more attention to other people’s lives than my own. I’ve spent much of my life focused on other’s needs and sometimes forgotten my own. Also I used to,  way too often, get into other people’s business when I was not asked for advice.

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Other people’s mail boxes

I wouldn’t get into other people’s mail boxes, but as a “helper” type of person, I had the audacity to think that I could get into other’s business. I became unconscious of this habit. I had bought into the habit of “helping” family members and others without asking them. As a nation with reality shows, and anything to do with entertainment, we Americans seem to get into every one else’s business a lot and think it is OK to do that, too. That does not excuse me.

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self explanatory sign

I’ve started obeying the above sign and acting like other people’s lives are not my business. Initially it was a bit embarrassing to notice my nosey habit. Over the last year, I have been learning to take care of my own business better. I’ve been working on asking people if they want my help and/or advice. Mind you it is an effort! I’m not great at this, yet. For those of you with this issue, here are some quotes you might like to view.

http://www.searchquotes.com/search/Mind_Your_Own_Business/

The upside to owning this habit and working on changing it is: I’m enjoying nature more; I’m less of a pain in the butt to friends and family, i.e. my relationships are improving. I’m beginning to learn what I feel about things. I am learning why I have done certain things and my motivations. For instance, why I became a teacher and why I love being around and supporting children and teens. I am owning my likes and dislikes. I am standing up better for myself. I am asking questions more (not allowed in my FOO (family of origin)). I’m learning that I do not need to be run raged by MY expectations of others. I am learning more self acceptance.  All of these new ways of learning and being are what I mean by “minding my own business”.

Warning: You may start notice how prevalent it is that others are NOT minding their own business- but that is not YOUR business or mine.

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Reminder sign

This sign reminds me to stop and think first and ask myself:

Is this my business? Or will this “business” affect MY life or freedom? Did this person ask for my input?

My last thought on “Mind your own business” is that it is not a rude saying. If I say it to myself, it is a way to remind myself to respect myself and others.

 

 

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