Residue and Delusion

Each of us has a family history and life history. I have had and am working to make peace and gain acceptance of my life history. For years I thought I had taken care of parts of my past, but I deluded myself. I have learned I can fool my mind, but my body and heart know better. There is residue in my body that is real.

ice from frost

residue of ice after frost

Just like the residue of the ice after a frost, recently I have found out I had stored my past history in my cells when I let go of some of that past. Doing that deep healing required me to be humble and willing and ask for help from others and my source. I was unable to do it alone.

“Part of the healing process is sharing with people who care.” – Jerry Cantrell, singer (Alice in Chains)

rain after storm

residue of rain after a storm

The process of letting go of that residue of old stuff surprised me. I believed I had already “put it to bed” and forgiven that part of my past. My own brain is very so good at deluding me, so much so that I wasn’t even aware of what I did NOT know it was still in my own body!

This is a documentary that I love about our human family. Check it out. It explains some  about the science of behind healing that old residue.

moss on tree

residue of moss on tree from when it used to rain more

This moss is left from a time when it rained much more in the past. Now it is drier and hotter where I live.  It is a little like me when I was less aware.

old leaves on tree

old leaves hanging on with death grip

Once I started accepting that old residue, I have shifted myself and am becoming more compassionate towards myself and others. That past and its residue has helped me to understand myself better. The residue did not disappear. However, many of those memories don’t carry as much anger or resentment with them any more. I am lighter and happier much of the time because I am not holding onto that residue like a victim with a death grip, like these leaves on the tree.

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.”  – Tori Amos, singer